Should I make sacrifices for people who don't appreciate it?

I recently moved away from my hometown to get away from the small town trap and for better opportunities. Both have been successful. My father recently died and I feel this pressure to be driving 16 hours a weekend to visit my mother. My issue is, that my family has never really acted like a family and in a time like this that is what I really want. After my dad died, I had friends and distant family coming out of the woodwork to be supportive and it blew me away, it was something I had never experienced before. Growing up my mother cut off most relationships after a fight. We were forbid to talk to cousins, uncles and aunts. My mom would disown anyone that she didn't get along with. Being raised like this, its always been hard for me to trust people, and I have become very anti social. Over the last 10 years or so, even our immediate family has become estranged. We do get together in the same house for holidays, but no one talks to each other. It's very awkward and uncomfortable. Each of us kids can talk to a parent but not each other. If you try you get a one word answer and they will literally look away. My brothers finish dinner and run into other rooms. We have a few young children in the family and this is the only reason it's not completely unbearable. (They run around making noise) Well those kids are getting older and now its just the adults with a mom with a dead husband and we all just sit watching TV for a few hours and then one by one they leave. This is torture on me, I hate it. I see other families getting along, loving each other, texting, calling each other, meeting each other out. My mother has done nothing to help the situation and I have tried for years with no luck. The only incident I can even guess that kicked this off is that my sister I believe has a problem were she feels the need to turn people on each other and she always becomes the ally. She used to do this with her friends when we were young. Tells each friend that another one is talking about them or said something messed up, that friend now trusts my sister and not the other person. My sister looks like the trustworthy person. She did this a few years ago to my family, she told my mom I talked about her, she told me that my mom was saying mean things about me, she told my brother I didn't approve of his lifestyle and told me that he hated me. She plays these games all the time. She has lost most of her friends because they find out how she really is. I tried to call her on this before and it only made it worse. Now it's all worse than ever. I hate these feelings of nothing ever getting resolved, and most of all I still dream of having this great supportive family. When I do drive 8 hours home to visit my mom now, I stay at her house where everyone has the opportunity to stop over. Like I said my dad recently died and in the 6 out of 8 weekends I've driven home since it happened, my brothers didn't even bother to stop over to see my mom, or me. (they all live a few blocks from her) The 2 weeks they did stop it was same old same old, everyone in different rooms not speaking. Even my mom feels uncomfortable and usually sits in a small computer room playing computer games. So my question is.... Do I just forget about my old life and all the baggage that seems to hold me back and be depressed? I'm 31 years old, and I wasted an entire decade of my 20's waiting for things to get better doing what I can. Those are years I'll never get back and I regret so much time that I sacrificed doing what I wanted to do, to sit there and be ignored and depressed. I don't want to see my 30's go up in smoke driving back and forth. Advice please?